Monthly Debrief: January 2024
TW: talk about miscarriage
I’m writing this as I go throughout January and then I will summarize all my thoughts at the end. I feel like this will give the best guidance for where my head is at throughout the month. When I envisioned these posts, it would simply show a screenshot of my tracker and little reasons why I succeeded or didn’t quite meet my goal. But January has quickly shown me that these posts need more than that. I mean… how boring, right?
Noteworthy happenings in January
Went back to work after 2 weeks off
Sleep-trained both kids
Had a miscarriage
Finished my most dreaded project at work
Started doing puzzles
So why did I bomb my goals in January?
I’m not sure how to talk about this exactly or where the correct medium is for it to live, but it’s part of my life so I guess here is as good of a place as any. I had a miscarriage in January. I went in for my confirmation scan thinking I was almost 9 weeks pregnant but it turned out the baby had stopped growing around 6 weeks.
The week before I went in for my visit I had started having some spotting, which is not uncommon for me. With all of my pregnancies, I have had some bleeding. Usually bleeding and a lack of symptoms means that I’m miscarrying (this was my fourth miscarriage) and bleeding with symptoms means I am dealing with a subchloronic hematoma. When I started spotting, and I mean the tiniest amount of blood possible, I assumed it was a SCH because my symptoms were so strong. I was nauseous, exhausted, all the things. With my other SCHs, the bleeding has been helped by reducing activity, so I went ahead and did just that. The amount of blood was never enough that I needed to worry about needing to get to the doctor soon, and I already had my appointment scheduled for the next week so I rode it out.
Once I learned the pregnancy was lost, I had to induce a miscarriage at home so I could pass everything. It took six full days for the pain to subside. I was all over the place emotionally and giving all I could to the things I had to take care of (myself, my kids, my job, etc.) for a full two weeks. This past weekend I finally felt like I wanted to get back on track and recommit to my goals. So that’s what happened in January. I was already going through so much physically, mentally, and emotionally that I didn’t have the energy to force myself into anything else. So I didn’t. And I have no problem with that.
While I didn’t make any real progress on my goals, I did start some new hobbies and had a mindset shift in some other areas. It just goes to show that even when you don’t plan it, progress does still happen.
Some things I started doing differently
Reading in the most convenient ways (audiobooks and Kindle app on my iPhone). I’ve long held the guilt that reading is only reading if it’s done “in an acceptable way.” Well, if that were true I would never get any reading done. About 90% of my reading is done via audiobook and I am okay with that. I love audiobooks. But sometimes I just need to be able to read on my phone. It’s always there. I’m going to use it.
Seeking adult interactions daily from people outside my home, even if it’s simply texts with friends. I am terrible about reaching out and keeping in touch with people. I have let so many good friendships fall by the wayside because I stopped reaching out. So this is my way of putting myself out there more.
Gaslighting myself into believing I enjoy the work tasks I don’t enjoy. It’s the epitome of fake it until you make it.
Blocking off the first hour and last hour of the work day so I can do daycare pickup. Stop letting meetings get scheduled during this time and make the day more stressful for me (thanks mightyasamotherpodcast for this nudge to do this)
I am actually doing my hair about once a week. I’ve permitted myself since my son was born to wear my hair pulled back into a low bun almost all the time. Eventually, I come around and want to do my hair. We have reached that point. My baby hair/regrowth is out of control and I have naturally curly hair so it has felt a bit unruly lately. Blowing it out helps tame the regrowth a lot but I can only commit to this task once a week. Doing my hair has helped me feel more put together and more prepared for the day ahead. (I also just need to learn how to do my curls and embrace them)
I started keeping a gratitude journal after finding out I had lost my pregnancy. With other losses, I haven’t felt as emotional about them as I have with this one. I was initially very nervous about how we would incorporate a third child into our family. It felt like a lot. But over the weeks, I got used to the idea and was thrilled that this would be my last pregnancy and our last baby. I was embracing the end of this phase in life. But it’s not the end. And we’ll try again. But I so wish this pregnancy had worked out and we were bringing our last baby home in August. Loss is always challenging so turning inward and thinking about what I do have in my life and how grateful I am for it has been a nice practice to start my day.
I hesitate to share this for fear of judgment, but for some reason, I started waking up sometime between 4:30 and 5am and I absolutely love it. I made myself into a morning person years ago before I had kids so waking up early is nothing new to me. I hate starting the day with everything feeling urgent so I like to give myself time to ease into the day. My wakeup time has gradually shifted over time. As an introvert, I need quiet time to myself and I often don’t get that cup filled in the day if I don’t wake up early. My body just started waking up at this time and instead of forcing myself back to sleep, I’ve just been getting up and getting on with it. I use this time to do my gratitude journalling, drink a hot cup of coffee, and knock out a few tasks on my to-do list (like this newsletter).
Some fun things
Reading
I wanted to read more than I did, but I’m also not trying to force myself into reading books just for the sake of adding numbers to my Goodreads (you can follow me, btw!). I’d love to hear what you’re reading too. Here’s what I read in January:
How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing by KC Davis | If you are looking for practical steps to change how you view chores or what KC Davis refers to as "care tasks" this book is for you! It's a quick read. The author is very intentional about keeping chapters succinct but they are still fun of information. I’m very happy I read this book when I did. I think I finished it right around the timing of my miscarriage and it helped me give myself a lot more grace.
Rivals (American Royals, #3) by Katharine McGee | One of my favorite genres of anything is alternate history. The American Royals series is a story of what would have happened if America had become a monarchy and I just love the details. I loved the third book in this series! I have such a soft spot for the characters in this series. They are all flawed and I love that the third book deepened those flaws. I wasn't sure what the direction of the series would be after the second book, but I am happy with where the story is now after reading Rivals (American Royals, #2).
I’m currently reading The Things We Leave Unfinished by Rebecca Yarros (yes, Fourth Wing Rebecca Yarros) and I’m so into it. I’m about 70% through it and I’m just waiting for my soul to my crushed. I heard about this book from Nora Massey in her interview with
and I think it might end up being one of my favorite reads in forever! It’s set in a dual timeline of WWII England and the present day in Colorado.
TV + Movies
Speaking of WWII England, my husband and I started watching Masters of the Air on Apple TV+ and it’s incredible! We’re only two episodes in but we could not get enough. This is the third series adaptation of this set along with Band of Brothers and The Pacific. Masters of the Air is very different from Band of Brothers, I think partially because these were made 20 years apart and we watch TV so much differently now. I think the other has to do with the source material. I believe the entirety of Band of Brothers occurred over 9 months whereas Masters of the Air is double that, but they have the same number of episodes, so Masters of the Air is more fast-paced. The show is very well done and the acting has been great so far (even with Austin Butler’s Elvis accent)!
We also watched Napolean on Apple TV+ and with an hour to go, I decided it was time for me to go to bed. I really wanted to like this one because I’ve always wanted to learn more about this period of French history, but the movie was so jumpy and did not give much context as it moved from scene to scene. Instead, my mental images of this movie are of Joaquin Phoenix dressed as Napolean sticking his fingers in his ears as cannons are being fired and stomping his foot over and over as he prepares to have sex with his wife.
Cooking
Finally, I am very into cookbooks right now. I bought Alex Snodgrass’s new cookbook Dinner Tonight and have enjoyed cooking a few of the recipes so far! I also pulled out one of my Magnolia cookbooks and flagged some recipes to try out because I never did that when I got them last year when I had a newborn.
I started my Feeding Yourself at Home series and am so excited to talk about it more! Here is my first post. Please let me know if you have any questions or topics you’d like me to cover. I’ve also been sharing my toddlers’ meals on Instagram because feeding toddlers (kids?) is a disaster most of the time and never works out how you had planned.
Things I Bought and Liked
I woke up a couple of weekends ago to my husband telling me that he researched cleaning products (🤔) and that he was convinced we needed a Bissell Crosswave (🤷🏻♀️). We did more research and concluded that yes… we did “need” one. Our house is like 90% tile and we’ve always struggled to keep up with keeping it clean. We both get so much joy from using the Crosswave and it does great. Now when our baby throws his entire plate into the floor, we get excited to use the Crosswave instead of screaming internally. We also run it every night while the other is loading the dishwasher. We ended up getting the cordless version because we know ourselves and know that a cord is a barrier for us, especially with how our house is arranged. We’re dumb but this thing is excellent and so easy to use.
I also bought these cutie slingback flats from Target that are a knockoff of the Steve Madden style and I’m assuming those are a knockoff of a designer. I’m already planning an outfit around them with a black dress that I bought but haven’t gotten in yet or jeans and a black sweater. I also think they will be excellent to have on hand throughout the spring and summer. They are very much my style even though I have never tried the cap-toe style before. I think they are so chic and cannot wait to wear them!
Thanks for sharing, Kate! Enjoying this structure, and love what you said about progress still happening even when you don't plan it.
Sending love, Katie! Thanks for sharing 💖💖