Life Lately
self-evaluating your parenting, dopamine hits, and I started running and tennis!
This week has been challenging. We’re dealing with a difficult regression or development milestone (or maybe just a power grab), and bedtime has become the most dreaded time of the day. After a particularly rough bedtime routine that left everyone feeling drained, my husband and I sat down to make a plan. Is it a good plan? I’m not sure, but it’s somewhat working. However, the plan isn’t the main point. What matters is that we took the time to self-reflect, approach the situation with empathy, and figure out a path forward.
One of the hardest parts of parenthood has been the constant self-evaluation and recognizing my shortcomings. One of mine is the desire to end the day by zoning out on the couch, scrolling through videos, and disengaging from everyone around me. It’s less than ideal when there are little ones who need attention and connection after being away all day. I often feel guilty for wanting to doomscroll, which only pushes me further into a guilt spiral that leads to more doomscrolling. It’s a vicious cycle.
The nice thing about having young children is that behavior can change quickly. Over the past few days, we’ve been more intentional about connecting as a family, and we’ve already seen vast improvements. Bedtime is still a battle, but I think it will get better with consistency.
Something surprising I have learned about myself since becoming a parent is that I can get angry quickly. It’s a part of myself that I truly do not like. Sleep refusal is a huge trigger for me, but I started noticing it when my oldest was an infant and it’s carried through. I know part of it is that because there are always different challenges with sleep depending on the age so it can be somewhat unexpected. Another aspect is that their sleep is what stands between me and downtime. But I’m not sure why it can fill me with rage. Being intentional with my time and how I take care of myself helps a lot.
One of the ways, I have tried to work on this for a while is by identifying other activities I can do that are not on my phone. My screen time varies quite a bit depending on the day of the week, but I tend to max out on the weekends when there is not much else to do than just be on my phone. I could blame Texas summers for making it unbearable, but there is always something else I could be doing. Enter the dopamine menu trend from TikTok.
I love the idea of having these simple joys accessible when you need them. It’s like a toolkit to have a good day.
wrote a great newsletter explaining each of the sections and there are several other resources online to help you create your own. Since my life includes little kids, my dopamine menu looks quite different than the many examples I found on TikTok and Google. For example, date nights and vacations are rare (read: very rare) treats for us right now whereas doing something at home or in the immediate area is almost always an option.
Some of these items are very new additions to my life. I just started training to run and practice tennis. I have been craving new ways to move my body, and I have been interested in doing both for a while now. Last weekend, we went to the sporting goods store and grabbed a few tennis rackets (including one for our 3-year-old) and tennis balls so we could all practice together. My husband has some experience, so I’m hoping he will teach us what we need to know.
Running is also brand new to me. I’ve always envied runners. I’ve tried it and hated it many times. But it’s so accessible, and for me most of the challenge has come down to overcoming mental barriers, so I have vowed to do a running program. I thought about starting on the treadmill but I have dreams of being an outdoor runner so I thought it best to start there rather than make the switch later. I’ve found the treadmill much easier than training outside too and I want to condition my body for the outdoors.
Doing the program outside is not easy. This week I did a 30-minute program where you walk for 1.5 minutes and run for 1 minute. You end up running for 8 total minutes throughout the 30-minute block. The first time I did it outside, I had to skip 2.5 of the running intervals, but the second time I only had to skip 1. Again, a lot of it is mental for me. I found this video on YouTube and it was very inspiring.
I’m working hard on my form and pushing when I can but also listening to when my body says “enough.” Right now, the heat and humidity is a major factor. I’m going to keep working on this same 1.5-minute walk/1-minute run until I can do it consistently before I move on to the next one. I wish I could be on to the next so badly, but that would be too much too fast. In a way, I feel like I am failing because I am not on to the next when the program says I should be, but I also realize that I am doing better than I was a week ago and now I am up and moving my body better than I was two weeks ago. I am proud of myself and I know I shouldn’t let an app dictate how I feel about where I’m at.
On top of it all, we are 3 weeks into the school year (weird to say because our daycare is year-round, but there is an official start to the year) and we’ve had 3 sicknesses already - 1 case of strep and 2 stomach bugs. Thankfully, everyone seems to be on the mend. I’ve seen 3 doctors over the past few days and they have all said that COVID, the flu, random viruses, and strep are running rampant right now. I’m hoping since we caught them early, we’ll be spared for the rest of the season but I am keeping my expectations low.
Extras
Move over Hot Priest (jk… I could never dismiss Hot Priest), Hot Rabbi is here and his name is Adam Brody. Have you seen this trailer? Why has it taken our whole lives to have Adam Brody as the male lead in a rom-com? It seems unfair. This movie looks so good. There’s a podcasting element. The humor feels very current. Kristen Bell is giving Eleanor Shellstrop, but a bit more refined. It has Justine Lupe. I may actually resubscribe to Netflix to watch this!
I feel so much of this. Hearing how you’re approaching all of it sounds VERY attuned to your natural rhythms, needs and values. 💕
And yes, that trailer. Just watched it last night and it send me on a journey. My teenage self who was obsessed with Seth Cohen is alive and well.
I’ve never related more to a post before! The bedtime struggles make me rage and then I feel guilty as hell. But you’re right— I think it’s the last thing standing in the way of me time and it feels like I get so little of it these days.